guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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