just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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