this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You ruined the universe
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
