$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
