btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
