Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
