What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
