I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
