"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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