she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
