she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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