well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
