Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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