He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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