What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
