will power is for people who don't want to get laid
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
