i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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