Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
