I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
