I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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