he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
