Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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