The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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