they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
