I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
