My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
