Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
