Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
