Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
