Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
