Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
