I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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