Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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