I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
