I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
