i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
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She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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