I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
