everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
