What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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