no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
