You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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