Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
