I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
