We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
