Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We talked him into tasing himself.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
