everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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