This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
