We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
