it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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