But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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