Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
