Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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