Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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