if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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